I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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