just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
