Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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