Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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