So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
