Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
