I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
