the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
