apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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