Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
