When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
