"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
