Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
