Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize