my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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