Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
