Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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