While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
