Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize