my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
