Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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