You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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