In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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