Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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