2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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