He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
