Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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