i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
