I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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