I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
