mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
