Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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