I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize