absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
