bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
