She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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