I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
