I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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