Ambien. No doubt about it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
