i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am one with the molecules
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
