At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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