you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
