actually, I'm a sock model
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
