I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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