Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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