that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
