i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
