Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
