So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
