Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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