I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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