ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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