One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
