I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Randomize
