i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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