He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
