You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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