I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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