Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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