woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
