Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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