Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
