The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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