oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
