that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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