he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
