I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
