I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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