And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize