So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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