Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
