dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
