i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My bed smells like the plague
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
