i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
