So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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