at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm both gender and math confused
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