the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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