Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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