Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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