she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
