$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
