I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
