I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize