Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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