So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
whose ass print is on the piano?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
