it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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