community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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