I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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