How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
