My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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