sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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