She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is wine microwaveable?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
