I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
